I want to help people who cannot see the light but live in darkness. This blog is about bringing positive back for people who have lost all hope and help them strive to do better and become driven to follow their dreams.
This blog is dedicated to all human beings. I want people to be aware of, and support, what happens to a person and how to help people in different situations. I want people, who are in different situations to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I want every person to know that you can work your way through things and that there is always hope, even when there seems like there is none.
Why on earth did I end up with a man who was deceitful in the first place? I suspect it was because someone was paying attention to me and wanted me their life. Of course he treated me like a princess in the beginning. It went down hill after that.
Once again in a type of abusive relationship where i was lied to, continually strung along, played second where I should have come first.
OK, there is a pattern here i know. looking back hindsight is a wonderful thing. Now i don't even bother. If you want me in your life make an effort. If not, leave me alone. I have enough friends i will put my energy into them. Thank you.
But then i felt sorry for him. He seemed lost to me and loved having me in his life, on his terms. He had a fried who hated me, told lies about me and was very nasty to me. so when we were all together my boyfriend would not even sick up for me. He would just let the abuse spurt out of his friends mouth. In no way did he ever stick up for me. This -so called- friend ended up in jail quite a bit and my boyfriend got caught up in one of his schemes so ended up in jail as well. So stupid me felt sorry for him and stayed with him through it all. In the end even his brother thought i was responsible for putting him in jail so use to shout at me when i arrived at the house, to pick him up. He still did not stick up for me, just let it happen.
I was a piece of candy on the end of his arm, i was intelligent, pretty and looked after him. after five years i had enough. Time ot move on and get myself together. I wanted to concentrate on my future and my career. I had decided by that time i was not interested in marriage. To ME marriage was money spent on something i could be enjoying. To me I could be with someone, for life if i wanted, adn still be happy. A piece of paper does not matter to me. My studies came to an end and i was officially a teacher. Spent a year in the city teaching and then it all changed.
You see when i was posted up north to teach, he wanted to get married, then wondered why i said no.
Now i have not filled you in on my everything up to this point but this was my FORTH marriage proposal by the age of 24. Yep boy do i know how to pick em.
I did not want to spend my years with him. I recognised that i would be miserable with him if i stayed. He was absolutely paranoid that he would loose me by my change of location and the fact he could not control me. Little did he know that he had already lost me and he had no hope in hell of keeping me or holding me or marrying me. He was controlling and I did not want that. We stayed together for a short while when i was posted. But we had a reason to be apart and he was happy with that. Until I came back to the city.
He hunted me down, chased me and tried to win me back "SERIOUSLY??"
I remember towards the very end of it all I rang him to make an arrangement to meet me in a public place, so i could put it all away once and for all. Otherwise I was going to be hunted and stalked. His mother answered the phone and begged me to come back to them. (True this did happen. The family was of an ethic origin and his mother always like me and said i was good to him). This made me more determined than ever.
meeting him in a public busy car park of a large shopping complex, i proceed to look him in the eye and say - words to this effect - I don't love you, I don't want you in my life. I don't want you to phone me or email me or try to contact me ever again.
The result..... he laughed. What the????? He basically said i did not mean it and that he knew i loved him and it was all a front to make him want me more???? Now at no point did i reach out to him, touch him, move towards him. In fact i started to back away as he was moving towards me. Telling him i was serious. Leave me alone or i would call the police. I turned and ran. he ran after me. I got to my car, a bit scared by this point as he seemed to be delusional. He was banging on my window and i managed to drive off relieved, only to find he was following me. It took me half an hour to loose him. He kept on calling me then eventually stopped.
Exhausted and shaken I went home. At this stage i was living with very good friends who surrounded me.
So no more!!! I would not be a piece of meat on the end of someones arm. I would not be someone who came second. I would not feel sorry for anyone any more. Time to concentrate on myself and what i wanted. Time to concentrate on people who mattered. No more losers. No more men, for a while. I wanted to find out who I was.
That proved to be very difficult.